Part 2- Mom's World-Dad's World or Understanding Parallel Parenting

Do not punish your child to prove a point to the court professionals that the other parent is inadequate, difficult or resistant. Your focus is misdirected. Your child will suffer because you are trying to make a point that never supports their success and keeps you focusing on the fight not the children.

If your child is missing homework, fix it. Do not let them fail in school to prove that the other parent is not involved, doesn’t care, or can’t manage school or homework, support your child with your positive energy instead.

Separate worlds means that both parents individually contact the children’s coaches, teachers & extracurricular leaders. Parents attend extracurricular events during their own child sharing time, if there is a chance there will be conflict. Communication about academic performance takes place at separate school conferences. Parents learn to let go of things they can’t change about the other parent. Each parent should learn to parent their own way, even when one of the parents does not believe the other parent's way supports the children. If it is a legitimate safety issues, the courts may need to intervene. What you consider a safety issue may not be considered one by the courts however.

Each parent’s world includes rules for home, school and the world in general. It includes the parent’s choice of friends, their beliefs, their religion, their culture and their family history. Each parent's world includes their own family traditions, family dynamics and all the people in the parent’s life.

You may not like the other parent’s choice of rules or people, but your child does not deserve to hear about your displeasure. They love the other parent and they love you. The children want to be a part of both of their parent’s traditions, rules and family activities.

What happens in Mom’s world needs to stay in Mom’s World and what happens in Dad’s World needs to stay in Dad’s World. Tell your children that you do not need to know what goes on in the other parent’s world. Do not ask your child what they did with the other parent and don’t ask them to relay messages to the other parent. This puts them in right in the middle of their parent’s fight. If your children are complaining about something dangerous going on in the other parent’s home, you need to provide a professional they can talk to rather than you who can document their concerns.

You may not realize it but you are encouraging your children to tell you want you want to hear at the other parent's home, when it may not be as bad as they say it is. If it is bad, talk to a professional, because they can take you out of the middle of the “he said/she said” battle. Professionals can confirm that you have legitimate concerns about one of the parent’s parenting style without you being attacked by other court professionals as being the problem. Get out of the middle and get your children out of the fight.