End the Chronic Conflict with Your EX

To end the chronic conflict with the EX, one of the parents has to let go and get on with their life. If you spend your time waiting for your EX to "get it," "get over it" or to coparent with you, you are wasting your life energy. You are also emotionally bankrupting your relationship with your children.

If you are waiting for Perry Mason to show up and help you with the " truth," you are living in a fantasy world. You can spend thousands of dollars trying to get the courts to "see" the truth. You can spend thousands of dollars trying to get more custody because you believe that the other parent is dangerous for the children (and they may be dangerous). You can spend eighteen years in the court system and never get the justice you want, or right all of the wrongs or get the relief you think you deserve. You are wasting your life energy, if you believe any of your money, energy or time will bring you the big court "win" of custody over your EX.

The truth about custody is that it only takes one parent to save the children and it only takes one parent to end the conflict. When you are still thinking that you can get through to the EX, then you are wasting your life energy on them. You only have so much energy in your life if you burn out on your EX, you do not have anything left for your children. Instead, use your energy to multiply share your joy and laughter, your sense of adventure and your dreams for the future with your children. Take them out of the middle.

You have to be willing to stop trying to prove to the courts that you are a good parent and your EX is a lousy parent. You have to understand that you are giving your EX the power to keep messing with you as long as you fight with them and let them bother you with what they say and do to you.

The courts do not care who is causing the problem. They do not want to hear any more of your blaming, shaming, backbiting or excuses. They want the two of you to get along, now, for the sake of your children. The courts will make orders insisting that you learn to coparent, stop fighting, get along, be nice to each other, stop filing declarations . . . until you run out of money or until one of you irritates the judge or the court professionals so much that they make an order that you can't correct. The order becomes an all-or-nothing, threating message from the judge, "Don't you dare come back into my court room again!"

Focus on being “with” your children. Focus on paying attention to them. Ignore your EX’s attempts to get you to play their game. Your children deserve at least one parent who is “good” for them. So start right now, end the conflict and focus on your children.