Part 3 When, why, whether to tell your children negative information about their other parent

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  You may need to practice how to tell your children negative information about your EX. Use the questions below as your guide to determine how to respond to each scenario. In each scenario decide whether you should or should not tell the children the negative information about the other parent.
  
  What information do I want to tell my children about the other parent? Name the specific behavior(s) that you want the children to know about the other parent.
  
  
• What are all of the reasons I want to or believe I need to tell my children this information about the other parent?
  
• Why do you believe your children should know this information about the other person?

• Is the reason personal, out of anger, full of revenge? Will knowing this information actually make a difference in the way the children behave or feel?

• Are my children being hurt by not knowing this information? Would they be hurt more if they were told this information? How will this information improve the children’s lives by knowing this?

• How can this information be told to the children without criticizing? How will this information actually help my children?

• How will this information improve their relationship with the other parent/stepparent/family members?

• What do I expect to accomplish by sharing this information with the children? Is there any better way to share it?

• Do the benefits of sharing this information with my children outweigh the emotional risks the children may experience?

• How can this information backfire on the children or on me?

• Who can I ask to help me decide if this information is important to share with the children? What child development professionals, family therapists, family law attorneys or other knowledgeable professional can I talk to about the issues to determine whether I am on track for sharing this information with my children?

• How can I tell my children this information so that it supports the children’s self-esteem and doesn’t denigrate the other parent? What is the best way to share this information with my children, through other professionals or through me?

• Can you ask the professionals to assist you with creating the plan to share the information?
  
  1. The father is usually late picking up the children from the other parent. The children are anxious and get upset when they have to wait for him.
  
  
  2. The mother had an abortion and an extramarital affair before ending the marriage.
  
  
  3. The father only drinks after work and on weekends when he does not have the children.
  
  
  4. The mother has mood swings and is often unpredictable during her time with the children-often the children have to take care of themselves.
  
  
  5. The father hasn’t paid child support in 8 months.
  
  
  6. The mother has her boyfriend over to the house on weekends when the children are with the father. The father is angry with the mother for ending the relationship.
  
  If you have any doubt or questions about the information you want to share with your children, seek expert help first. Spending a little time on how to protect the children from emotional harm helps them manage the situation more effectively.