Part 2- When, why and whether to tell your children negative information about their other parent

Here are some questions to consider to determine whether the negative information want to share with your children, such as the other parent's character flaws or bad habits are appropriate to share with your children.

1. What information do I want to tell my children about the other parent? Name the specific behavior(s) that you want the children to know about the other parent.

2. What are all of the reasons I want to tell my children this information about the other parent? Why do I believe that my children should know this information about the other parent? Is my reason personal, out of anger, because I want revenge, and will this information actually make a difference in the way my children behave or feel?

3. Are my children being hurt by not knowing this information? Would they be hurt more if they were told this information? How can this information be told to my children without criticizing the other parent? How will the courts accept me when they hear I have tod the children this information?

4. How will this information actually help my children? How will this information improve their relationship with the other parent/stepparent/family members? How will this information improve my children’s lives? What do I expect to accomplish by sharing this information with the children? Is there any better way to share it with the children?

5. Do the benefits of sharing this information with my children outweigh the emotional risks they may experience? How can this information backfire on the children or on me?

6. Who can I ask to help me decide if this information is important to share with the children? What child development professionals, family therapists, family law attorneys, or other knowledgeable professionals can I ask for help to determine whether I am on track before I share this information with my children?

7. How can I tell my children this information so that it supports the children’s self-esteem and doesn’t denigrate the other parent? What is the best way to share this information with my children, through other professionals or through me? What is the best way to share this information?

Which professionals can you ask to assist you with creating a plan to share the information if you decide that it is important to the children to know. Do you need more clarification or help? Do you have questions about creating a plan of action to tell the children? Contact Dr. Deena for more ideas.