Part 1-Mom's World-Dad's World or Understanding Parallel Parenting Defined

Parallel parenting is defined as a style of coparenting which allows parents to reduce their
communication with each other regarding the children. It gives each parent control over his or her own parenting time. You do not consult your EX about your daily routines, rules, or decisions regarding the children. Minor decisions about the children are made on your own, without interacting or seeking approval from the other parent. All major decisions will probably require communication and agreement between both of you. You may need professional intervention to resolve these issues if you are in high conflict.

Parallel parenting works for parents who have a history of, or potential for conflict over their children’s issues. This style of parenting reduces communication between the parents so they have a chance to develop their own rules in their own world without constantly being disrupted by the EX’s disapproval or interference. Each parent creates their own regular and stable routines for their children when they are in their own home. The children benefit because the parents quit trying to reach agreements with the other parent. Conflictual parents never agree and parents in conflict waste emotional energy trying to reach child sharing agreements.

In “Mom’s World-Dad’s World” each parent decides their own rules for school work, bedtime, homework and chores. Both parent’s rules may be different. The children adjust to these changes just like they adjust to having several teachers in school who have different rules for academics and for behavior. For example: a mother tells her child to brush their teeth. The child says, “Daddy doesn’t make me brush my teeth before bedtime." Mommy replies, “That’s in Daddy’s World. When you are in my world, you need to brush your teeth before bedtime."

The child may try to manipulate the mom by trying to get her to stop enforcing her rules. The mother needs to let go of the child not brushing their teeth at Dad’s. Instead, she needs to design a plan to positively reinforce the child when they do brush their teeth in her world and when they report having brushed their teeth at Dad’s. This takes the children out of the middle of the parent's fight. It reduces the conflict. The child learn how to brush their teeth on their own without a reminder, because they are rewarded both and Mom's house and Dad's house without having to have a battle with Dad.

Another example in Mom's World-Dad's World is when a father tells his child to get their homework done before dinner. The child replies, “Mommy doesn’t make me do my homework before dinner.” Daddy then replies, “That’s Mommy’s World. While you are in my home, you need to do your homework before dinner. When you are with me, you need to do homework according to my rules.”

Dad has to let go of the child not doing their homework at Mom’s home. Efforts to get the mother to support homework completion with threats, nicely asking, sending friendly reminders or asking for court intervention usually always fail but it keeps the child in the middle and the conflict going. Mom may be disorganized or unwilling to support the children at school.

Instead, the father should make contact with the teacher and begin to design a campaign between himself, the child and the teacher that supports the child’s success in school and with homework. The father may consider picking up a second set of assignments for his home, establishing positive rewards for the child to earn during school with the teacher during Mother’s week with the child, or establishing communication with the teacher during the Mother's week that helps the child remember to do the homework during the Mother’s week without ever needing the mother to support him.